I can almost see the buds opening on the oak outside the window. Just a hint of that spring green, I love. In a day or so it’ll look like the leaves are lit from within. There’s nurses’ chatter in the background. The sound of the air unit rumbling. I feel human for a few minutes. I’m sure it will pass.
I was in a cold sweat within minutes of waking up this morning. The escape of sleep usually lasts a few minutes longer. I woke up convinced I knew what I wanted to do. I just couldn’t get my arms around doing nothing. I wanted to act. Give hope. But then I talked to the orthopedic doctor and he told me the same thing the first time he was here to talk to me. I think I heard him this time. And then I talked to the hospice people. And my questions were answered in the right way.
So I’m going to feel human for just a little longer. Until I second-guess myself or have another momentous decision to make.
The Reluctant Caregiver 