It’s a marathon.

A friend at work recently was lamenting his mother’s health issues.  Mostly falls, but also some other health issues – and she is pretty young – in her 70s, I think.  He knows my story and what I’m going through.  I just told him it was a marathon and not a sprint.  That he’d had to pace himself as it could be a long haul.  Not sure if that made him feel better or not.

My mom’s had a particular bad few weeks.  In addition to all the usual ailments, her sleep is now threatened.  It was about two years ago when she was in the hospital for an especially terrible UTI.  Her first night there, she was laying in bed and suddenly was filled with terror – she said that it was as if she was standing at the top of a very tall building looking out into the precipice.  (Coincidently, she is deaf in one ear and has a history of fear of heights.)  They gave her an anti-anxiety and it seemed to help.  It happened a few more times then stopped.  About a year later, it came back.  At home when she was in bed, she was again on that precipice.  And sometimes it is the opposite – she’s in a hole.  Or it is a terrible nightmare that seems absolutely real – usually, she’s lost and can’t get back home.  And it happens over and over, now, creating new terror each time.  The anti-anxiety stopped working early on – or maybe it never really helped and it was something else.  We went to see a specialist awhile back at the university and they said it was a type of hypnogogic hallucination – could also be called night terrors, I suppose. But they didn’t have any solutions for it.  Here’s how it works:  she has a terrible, sleepless night filled with night terrors, calling out for help, crying, moaning.  The next day, the hallucinations, which she occasionally has and takes medication for, are a hundred times worse. She’s exhausted, goes to bed at the end of the day and sleeps good for the next three or four nights.  Then it happens all over again.  I thought one bad night out of four or five was still good odds.  Only now, it not three or four nights, it’s one or two.  I’m not sure how she can take it.  When I was there up all night with her, and after getting three hours of sleep, I felt mentally ill, myself.

A new wrinkle in this journey.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to figure this out.